Ever since I got sober many years ago, I’ve struggled with Social Anxiety. I never knew exactly why social situations scared me so much, until I really dove deep into meditation and self-reflection.
Here’s How to Gain More Confidence and Hold Eye Contact Longer
I realized that a lot of us do shameful things – and we get used to doing these shameful things which keeps us going around in a self-defeating negative loop.
If we suddenly had nothing to worry about it would feel alien and weird.
Most of us get so used to living with guilt and worry, that we create new problems when the old ones fade away.
I know because I did it all the time – even when I began making enough money with this blog to live on – most people would be ecstatic if they could work from home in their slippers, but not me.
Sure, I had a little honeymoon feeling for a while, but then I found a new set of problems to worry about and feel shame around.
Even my addictions trade back and forth – I’m happy I stopped alcohol, but then I replace it with too much sugar!
So, How Do You Become Truly Confident?
One – Get Rid of Shameful Habits
I realized suddenly one day that I could hold eye contact longer with people when my self-esteem was higher. In the past, I couldn’t look straight into someone’s eyes for too long because I was doing shameful things behind closed doors, like getting wasted drunk and watching porn.
Once, I cleaned up my act, and literally destroyed every addiction I had (except coffee :)) I noticed that I held my head up higher and could hold eye contact longer. So, the key is getting rid of those shameful habits that keep you in the negative loop.
Two – Rid the Past – Stay in the Moment
A lot of shame and guilt stems from our past, and many of us play our past movie reel over and over again – or we get caught up in the anxiety-producing movie reel of our future.
Eckhart Tolle transformed this past/future dilemma for me with his powerful book “the Power of Now.” I would definitely pick this book up or download it from Amazon because I used to spend at least a quarter of my day thinking of my traumatic past.
In a spiritual sense, demons or negative forces want you to stay in the past and feel so bad that you “act out” on your negative emotions and use drugs or alcohol again, or something worse.
There is no bigger threat to Satan than to live with pure happiness and confidence.
Sit still and meditate and let all those old emotions and traumas purge out of you. Don’t judge the emotions as they leave, but love them unconditionally, and you will slowly start to reintegrate into a whole new you.
Three – Gratitude and Charity
One of the fastest ways to gain self-esteem again is to become a “member of society.” I know – I know, we dreaded this term when we drank and used, but it’s time to love yourself and contribute back.
The easiest way to feel like a “member of society” is giving to charity. You can start donating online – so you don’t even need to see anybody.
Last year, I donated to a monastery in West Virginia called the Hermitage of the Holy Cross. It’s also a tax write off when you pay through the Paypal Giving Fund.
I believe in the monastic life and am intrigued by the pious and celibate life these monks live. If I had more courage, I would probably be a monk myself – but I still love the material life 🙂
Another thing you can do is volunteer a little of your time to a soup kitchen or some other place that takes volunteers.
Helping other people really does feel good.
I tried to deny this fact when I was getting drunk everyday, but deep down I knew I needed contact with others.
I hated myself for having to hide in my house and not participate in a healthy life.
I hope these tips help.
Thanks for reading How to Hold Eye Contact Longer and Become Confident Again.